I find bus
journeys laborious, I can’t read whilst the bus is in motion, as I get terrible
travel sickness and apart from browsing a few smartphone apps, there really
isn’t a lot else to do. Every weekday, I commute to work, taking roughly forty
five minutes to get there and back, depending on traffic; I’ve become so
accustomed to the bus journey, that I know every driver by name. We are that
well acquainted, some of them have a nickname for me, I’m affectionately known as
‘briefcase man;’ because I’m probably the only individual that takes a
briefcase onto a bus.
This bus journey is slightly different, as I
have a travel companion. Dave my work colleague stayed at my place last night,
the initial plan was that he would come over and watch the football, have a
kebab and a few beers; then he would make the twenty minute journey back to his
own place. But the weather was so treacherous last night; I thought it would be
best that he stayed over to avoid any potential catastrophes. So he caught the
bus with me to work.
Dave’s a good guy, we have similar interests,
and he’s an excellent story teller. However, he takes prolonged and drawn out
pauses before he says anything, and I absolutely loath silence. It was during
another painful bout of silence, that I opened my wallet to ensure that I had
picked up my staff ID card before leaving the house; and noticed a £5 note
jutting out. I had a brainwave, a challenge for Dave. This challenge could
potentially leave me seriously out of pocket, but I was so convinced he would
be unable to complete it, I had no qualms about the stakes I was offering. ‘Got
a challenge for you mate, if you can find the three Indians on this £5 note
I’ll give you £2,500.’ Dave looked at me quizzically, as if I’d just arrived
from another planet. Dave replied: ‘nobody bets anyone that kind of money
without a catch.’ ‘No catch mate, find the three Indians and £2,500 is yours.’
‘What’s in it for you?,’ he asked. ‘Nothing mate, apart from the satisfaction
that you won’t be able to find them!’ He took the £5 from me and quickly began
to survey it, he tossed and turned it, and frequently waved it.
‘How long have I got to complete this
challenge of yours?’ ‘Until we get off the bus, so that roughly gives you half
an hour.’
The bus isn’t that packed for a Monday,
which is strange, usually there isn’t a chance of getting a seat; there have
been many occasions in the past where I’ve had to wait for the ten past eight
bus, which cuts it fine for me arriving at work on time. The bus driver is new as well, he had a
massive smile across his face when Dave and I got on earlier, I assured him
that in a few months his enthusiasm would diminish considerably. ‘Have you had
any fare dodgers yet?’ ‘The bus driver shook his head and replied ‘this is my
first shift.’ He looked backwards surveying the people on board ‘you are my 9th
passenger.’ ‘Oh right, I’ll warn you about the fare dodgers then, just let them
on, it’s not worth the aggro for a couple of quid, you know what happened to
Andrew right?’ He shook his head. ‘Well Andrew stood his ground, told three
youths that if they didn’t pay he’d call the police, well the lads threw him
out of the cabin and nicked the bus, fortunately there weren’t any passengers,
so it could have been a lot worse.’ ‘And watch out for Mildred she gets on in a
couple of stops, she’ll keep you talking for ages telling stories about her ill
grandson and her daughter who she hasn’t seen for ten years; she’ll claim she’s
an OAP and she suffers from memory loss so she can’t remember where she put her
pass, but she’s 55 and in excellent health, she doesn’t have a grandson and her
daughter lives next door; she’s been fabricating the story to newbies for
years, so she can skip the fair.’ Dave interjected at this point ‘in fact she’s
just started a club, giving tips on how to dodge bus, taxi and train fares, how
to get money off essentials at the supermarket and how to get a free haircut.’
The driver muttered ‘Erm thanks for the warning.’
‘I’ve found two’ Dave pointed out the two
Indians on the top right hand corner of the £5 note, only five minutes in and
he’d found two. This could end in disaster for me, but I’m still convinced that
he won’t locate the final Indian. He looked at me ‘nervous yet?’ I smiled and
replied ‘nope as cool as a cucumber.’
Ten minutes have passed, we have about ten
stops left before getting off, Dave is still frantically searching for the
final Indian; he wouldn’t know it, be he’s touched it about five times, I have palpitations
every time his hand goes near it.
Mildred’s on the bus, she didn’t get away
with her scheme thanks to my heads up. Her face lit up when she saw the new
driver, but her expression turned into a frown when her plan was rumbled.
Time is passing by extremely slowly, and we are
caught in a traffic jam caused by roadwork’s at the Vine
Island, this gives Dave some precious minutes to become £2,500 richer.
I distract myself, by chatting to some of my
regular travel colleagues. I’ve learnt a few things this morning. Cora’s
business is close to bankruptcy, Betty’s having a state of the art kitchen from
Ikea, Maggie AKA Christine, scooped £20 on the Health Lottery, Phelma can’t
decide whether to have her birthday party at the Bentlands or the Village Hall,
Jan and her husband are going to Barcelona for two weeks, Rene is abseiling
this weekend, Carol reckons the waiter in The Crown pub fancies her and Simon’s
abandoning his DIY project, because in his own words ‘I can’t be arsed.’ There’s
a lot of funny folk from Codsall.
Unfortunately for Dave his mission to secure £2,500 has failed, the bus
has stopped outside our workplace. He slowly shakes his head, handing me back
the £5 note, but I’ve told him to keep it as a consolation prize. ‘So where was
the final Indian.’ ‘It’s the chief cashier mate.’
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